Courage
by Myra109
Summary: Leo Valdez is not the joker he pretends to be; in fact, he's just the opposite. Depressed, anorexic, self destructive, and when his friends find out, things go from bad to worst. Can Leo accept that he has a problem and needs help? Or will he keep going until he crashes? Eating disorder, other warnings inside, rating may change
1. Lost in a World of Lies and Masks

_Hello! Severe angst alert ahead, by the way!_

 _WARNINGS: EATING DISORDER, IMPLIED BULLYING, BRIEF MENTION OF CHILD ABUSE_

 _Thank you to Dawnbreak55 for the idea!_

 ** _Disclaimer: I own nothing._**

* * *

 _I told another lie today_

 _And I got through this day_

 _No one saw through my games_

\- "Courage" by Superchick

It's amazing how easy it is to lie the more you do it. I've been lying since I was eight, since my mom died.

The first real lie I told was when the doctor asked me to rank my pain- the pain in my chest, my head, etc. I'd hold up however many fingers from a one to a ten.

Then, he asked me to rank my emotional pain. And I held up three fingers when the pain I felt in my heart, the grief, would've broken the scale. The doctor knew I was lying, but he didn't push me.

Then, as I got older, I started to lie more and more. I lied about how some of my foster parents hit me, how some of the kids at school liked to call me names; I lied about how I felt if anyone cared to ask.

Lie, lie, lie. And it only got easier to do so.

I know all the tricks to avoid getting caught, and ways to avoid the topic if I am.

Turn on the faucet; it drowns out the noise. If anyone hears, just tell them it was the plumping acting up and that I'd fix it later.

Chug some water and diet soda; it makes it easier for everything to come up.

After chugging three cans of diet coke and four bottles of water, I knelt on the floor and forced my fingers down my throat. Everything was out of me in twenty seconds flat; a new record.

Yes, I know it's not normal; I know it's not healthy. But once you start... you can't stop.

And now, I'm almost beyond caring if it's healthy or if it kills me. Almost.

I flush the toilet and my minimal dinner down with it before scrubbing my hands until they're red and raw. I know better than to brush my teeth; all I'm doing is swishing the acid around and causing more damage to my teeth. So I swish and spit out some water and mouth wash before popping some gum in my mouth and going to work.

Jason's there on guard duty, and I take a compact mirror out of my toolbelt to check to make sure that my eyes aren't too watery or that my cheeks aren't too puffy.

When I deem my appearance fit, I step out onto the deck and plaster a fake smile on my face.

"Hey, Jace, what's up?" I say as I go over to the helm.

"Making sure we don't get murdered," he replies, casually.

"Well, that's a very important job," I chuckle before getting to work on the repairs.

Jason retires to bed around midnight, switching with Hazel, who sits there for thirty minutes before she says something.

"Go get some sleep, Leo," she says, softly. "The last thing we need is for you to pass out on us."

I smile, tell her thanks and goodnight, and go to my cabin.

* * *

Thirty minutes pass, and I'm still awake.

 _I can't believe you ate today,_ the Voice sneered.

The Voice has been there for as long as I can remember, but I suppose it came when I was nine or ten. After the grief turned to full blown depression.

To tell you the truth, I know that there are ways that I can get rid of the Voice, but... I don't want to. I know that sounds weird; why would I want a voice in my head insulting me for hours on end?

Because the Voice was there when nobody else was.

When Teresa locked me in my room for months, the Voice was there, and I could almost feel a presence curled up beside me on the mattress I called a bed. When the kids at school called me names, scaring off anyone that tried to be my friend, the Voice stayed. When I was alone in Bunker Nine for all those months- my friends seemingly forgetting about me- the Voice was there to replace them.

The point is that the Voice is my best friend. And it's not so easy to get rid of your best friend, even when you logically know that it's for the best.

 _Fat pig. You're disgusting, freak. No wonder your so called friends don't hang out with you. Who would want to spend any time with the lazy fatso?_

 **But I got it all up. Doesn't that count for something?**

 _You shouldn't have failed in the first place._

This goes on for another fifteen minutes before I drift off to sleep.

* * *

I should've know I'd dream. Most demigods get at least one dreamless night a week, but me? I have demigod dreams, and I have the Other Dreams.

I'm standing in the bathroom on the Argo II, and I can tell from the bitter taste in my mouth that I just got done purging.

I cradle some water in my hands before swishing it around in my mouth.

That's strange. It doesn't taste like water; it tastes... metallic.

I spit it out in the sink. Blood splashes onto the porcelain.

I scream as my heart begins to beat twice as fast, making a single beat send excruciating pain through my body.

"HELP ME!" I cry, but I know that no one will come.

* * *

I shoot up in my bed, nearly falling off in the process, and stare at the blinking light of my alarm clock.

Thirty-seven minutes. Not bad; usually I don't get any sleep.

I climb to my feet and stumble up the stairs, stopping in the mess hall to make some coffee (black- 0 calories). Then, I go up to the deck.

Hazel's shift had ended (thank the gods), and Frank now sits in her place. He looks up in curiosity at my footsteps.

"Oh, hey, Valdez," he grunts, not sounding particularly happy to see me.

 _Who would be happy to see a pig like you? Just say good morning, maybe crack a joke, and get to work. No more laziness from you, loser._

"Morning," I say. "Seen any good monsters lately?"

He rolls his eyes. "It's there such a thing?"

I shrug. "You never know. I mean, our lives are pretty weird."

He snorts. "Got that right."

I get to work while he scans the horizon for monsters.

"Hey, Valdez," he suddenly says, "what are you doing up? You don't seem like an early bird to me."

"Mr. Zhang, I am both early bird and night owl," I say in my best wise voice.

"So you never sleep?"

I freeze. How did he-

"I'm smarter than you think, Valdez. Nightmares?"

"Yep," I say. "Some rubbish about Gaea shall kill us all and the world is going to end and a face in the potty sludge. You know, the usual."

"Potty sludge?"

"Don't ask."

"Do I even want to know?"

"Nope."

The ship is quiet until Frank's shift is over, and Percy takes his place. Percy and I don't exchange one word because no matter how many times I apologize for what happened at New Rome, I know he'll never forgive me.

Breakfast comes all too soon, but I suppose that breakfast is easier to survive than dinner. You'll find out why later.

Everyone is having their own conversations, and no one is paying attention to me.

Annabeth and Percy are arguing over the fact that Percy 'drowned his pancakes,' which is very true; the Sea Prince has lathered his pancakes in hundreds of calories of maple syrup.

Jason and Piper are talking in hushed tones about something or other. I'm not even sure if I want to know what it is.

Frank is futiley trying to explain to Hazel what a Poptart is with a lot of displays of his own cinnamon and brown sugar breakfast. I want to tell her not to eat it because it has over 200 calories per serving and she'll get fat, but that's the Voice talking. She definitely doesn't need to watch what she eats; her body is perfect.

 _Ha! Why would she want a blimp like you?_ The Voice sneered. _She has Frank, who's much better than you; when you're thin and in control and deserving of love, maybe she'll want you, but we've got a long way to go._

When no one is looking, I stuff the ganorala bar, which is all that's in front of me (I'd prefer to skip breakfast, but while they don't notice if I don't eat a lot, they will notice if I don't eat at all), into my tool belt.

I excuse myself and disappear into the bathroom for the Voice to do its work.

Fat stomach. Chubby cheeks. Thunder thighs. Bloated arms. Huge calves. That's all I see.

I didn't used to see this. In fact, if I remember right, this didn't even start because I thought I was fat. That started long after.

It's control. When I was tossed from foster home to foster home like a beach ball, I had no control over where I went or who I ended up with. I had no control over what tragedies and horrors came my way. I couldn't control my foster parents or the monsters or the kids at school. So I found something I could control: what I ate.

I count calories because I can control that number. I monitor my weight because I can control it. I watch what I eat because I can control what I put in my mouth. No one else can.

When the bullying got really bad at my fifth foster home, I started to see this... image. And the not eating got worse.

It's a rabbit hole, and I'm Alice. Just like her, i never know when I'm going to hit rock bottom.

I hear the others getting ready to leave the mess hall, and I exit the bathroom to get back to work.

Maybe they'll notice me if I get everything done. If I make the repairs, if I fix their weapons, if I don't screw up, maybe they'll notice me.

That's another factor in all of this. My entire life, I've been invisible, that kid that slipped under the radar, so I started searching for ways to be noticed, to get the attention that I was so deprived of.

Even though I'm ADHD and dyslexic, I studied all through the night to get good grades on my tests. I exercised and practiced every sport there was until I was one of the best athletes in school. I lost weight so fast that girls and boys alike asked me how I'd done it.

But I never told them that my foster parents starved me or that I deliberately pushed food to the side to get here.

Work. Work. Work. That's all I do until lunch time rolls around, where I go through another half hour of hiding food and pretending to eat it, even though no one's watching me.

The worst part is when nobody notices. I work so hard to be noticed, and I never get recognition, not even a thank you.

That makes me mad and depressed, but also... determined. It makes me want to work harder, to eat less, to exercise and work more, to give it my all.

So I don't eat a single morsel of food from after dinner the night before to dinner tonight.

And I'm determined to get out of eating supper with the crew tonight.

I cook dinner most nights, unless I have a lot of work to get done, in which case Hazel or Annabeth cooks.

Tonight, I'm making tacos because they're my specialty. I set out all the ingredients and carefully measure out mine, so that the total is 190 calories and not a decimal point over.

As the crew digs in, I cut mine up, which would've been a lot of questions if they actually noticed. Then, when I'm sure no one even has a chance of seeing, I scoop up a piece with my fork and dump it into the napkin smoothed over my lap.

Before I know it, the taco is gone, and I roll up the napkin and stuff it in my toolbelt before excusing myself.

I retreat to my room and toss the taco in the garbage, burning it quickly to get rid of the evidence. Then, I take the ganorala bar, which is still in my pocket, and hide it under my bed. I'll put it in the pantry after everyone heads to bed.

There's a knock at the door, and I answer it, surprised to see Jason on the other side.

"Hey, Leo, can we talk?"

 _He's onto you. Get rid of him. Lie._

 **No. He doesn't even notice me half the time, so how would he know?**

"Sure. What about?" I say as I allow him in.

"Piper. It's just... you know I've never been good with emotions, " he says, looking uncomfortable as he sits on the bed.

I snort. "Understatement."

"Shut up," he laughs. "How do I tell her how I feel?"

"Why ask me?"

"Well, you're so open and... fun. Confident. And besides, I can trust you with anything, and you know Piper better than anybody else on this ship. So what do I do?"

"Well, lucky for you, Piper's a very straight forward girl. If you want to ask her out on a date, ask her out. You kind of have to be romantic without being obvious about it if that makes any sense. Just say you really like her, and you'd like to go out with her. Then, just say what she means to you without being super cheesy."

Jason nods. "Sounds simple enough."

"Well, Piper's a simple girl when it comes to relationships. You're lucky; if you had dated some of the girls I dated when I was younger, you'd have your work cut out for you."

Jason laughs. "Thanks, Leo. Night."

"Night."

I smile as he leaves, but as soon as the door shuts, the smile drops. It's all an act, all a mask, I put on for the public, but when I'm alone, I lose the strength to keep it up.

I'm lost. Lost in a world of lies and masks.

* * *

 _What did you think? There will be more on how Leo got like this later; just be patient. Thanks for reading!_


	2. When I'm Alone

_Hi, everyone! Sorry for the delay, but my teachers have been pounding me with homework these past few weeks (at least 2 hrs a night!) and I had a ton of tests last week. But I'm on Spring Break starting March 31st, so I'll get a lot of writing done then!_

 ** _Disclaimer: I own nothing_**

* * *

 _I know the right words to say_

 _Like "I don't feel well," "I ate before I came"_

 _Then someone tells me how good I look_

 _And for a moment, for a moment I am happy_

 _But when I'm alone, no one hears me cry_

-"Courage" by Superchick

* * *

Waking up is a chore the next morning. My body feels heavy, and my head seems to be stuffed with cotton; my limbs are practically made of stone, weighing me down until I give up and just lay there.

Of course, this doesn't work. A knock rings out at ten AM, interrupting my process of staring at the wall and trying to make the hunger pangs go away.

"Leo! Come on; it's time for you and the other boys to train!" Piper calls.

On the ship, we have specific training times. The boys train from ten to lunch, and the girls one to three; before dinner, the girls and boys sometimes like to mix it up by battling each other. I'm usually doing repairs during the last session though.

"Alright, Pipes! I'll be there in a second," I tell her, yawning and flinging my legs over the side of the bed.

She continues to knock, incessantly, until finally, I swing the door open and glare at her with irritation that appeared so suddenly, it took _me_ by surprise.

"What?" I snap. "I said I was coming, but could I get dressed first?"

That was rude; I opened my mouth to apologize, but Piper beat me to the punch.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I say, trying to be more polite, but really just wanting to crawl back into bed and sleep for eternity.

"Well, you're just... a little... cranky; you're never cranky."

 **Oh, trust me, Pipes, I'm cranky all the time; I just hide it because someone needs to be the positive one here.**

I sigh. "Look, Piper, I'm fine. Just... woke up on the wrong side of the bed, I guess. I'll be fine once I get moving."

She nods, slowly. "If you're sure."

Then, she leaves.

 _Oh, what a big surprise!_ The Voice snarks. _Your so called friend leaving you! Like that hasn't happened before._

 **Shut up,** I snap.

 _Don't tell me to shut up! If I recall, you invited me in the first place; so don't act like you don't want-or need- me around._

This is true. I need the Voice to keep me sane. In a strange way, the Voice is driving me insane, but when the Voice is around, I feel in control, indomitable. I can't imagine a life with the Voice. The Voice is my best friend and my worst enemy.

That probably doesn't make any sense, but trust me, if you've been where I've been, it would.

I get dressed in a long sleeved camp shirt and jeans, and I smile when the clothes (which I got less than seven months ago when I got back from the quest for Hera) are baggy on my frame. I just hope my pants don't fall down; suspenders are a hindrance during training, and I am not, under any circumstances, wearing a belt.

An involuntary shudder runs through me before I compose myself and step outside of my room.

In the training room, Percy, Jason, and Frank are waiting, looking bored.

"There you are," Jason said. "We were starting to think you died."

"Sorry. Slept in. Who's sparring with who?"

"You spar with Jason first, then me, then Frank," Percy mumbles with a slight glare. He still hasn't entirely forgiven me for the eidolon incident a few days ago, even when I tried to explain what happened.

 _Would you forgive you?_ The Voice asks.

 **Good point.**

I take a dagger from the weapons area; normally, I use a hammer, but since this is sword fighting, I use a dagger. I'm fast and clever, like Annabeth; with Percy and Jason, they are more strength than strategy, making swords the best choice for them. And Frank has the aim of a child of Apollo, so he almost never uses a sword.

Sparring with Jason is hard. He's stronger and leaner and more experienced than I am. My dagger's on the floor in twenty seconds flat; it beats my record of ten seconds, though, so I'm not complaining.

The fight doesn't last long; Frank and I both lose within thirty seconds, and we switch so I'm up against Percy.

If I thought sparring with Jason was hard, sparring with Percy is impossible. He disarms me in pry five seconds.

 _At least Frank could hold his own for thirty_ , the Voice sneers. _Pathetic_.

Finally, I'm up against Frank, and things seem to be right with the world again. Jason and Percy would definitely put up a good fight for at least a minute before Percy would undoubtably win. And while I probably wouldn't win, I could hold my own against Frank; that I was sure of.

Frank and I start going at it immediately, and I'm shocked to realize that Frank has a lot of rage, and that shows in his sword fighting.

When he nearly cleaves me in half, I mutter, "Geesh, man. What did I do to you?"

"Look, Valdez, I don't know what the hell happened between you and Hazel, but stay away from her," Frank growled.

"What?" Sure, Hazel is pretty and I do like her, but Frank is her boyfriend; I'd never steal another guy's girl!

"Look, you're a player, Valdez. You're the kind of guy that would sweep a girl off her feet, the leave her in the dust."

It takes every ounce of willpower I have not to slap him when he says that.

"Look, I flirt, man, but my mother taught me better than that!"

"Oh, yeah, what kind of dating advice did your mother give you? How to get girls? Or how to steal them?"

I can't hold it against Frank; he was mad and he felt like he needed to protect Hazel. And he didn't know...

But his statement makes me realize that my mom will never give me dating advice. And it's all my fault.

"Frank..." Jason says, looking shocked. Percy just looks confused; at first, he looks like I got what was coming to me, but then, he saw my expression.

I realize that Percy and Jason's fight had long since ended, but I don't really care.

I drop my dagger and run from the room.

I feel the need rising, and my head hurts; I'm walking in a daze, and I'm just so mad and hurt and...

I arrive at my room, and I retrieve a shoebox from under the bed. One of many.

I throw it open and stare at the food inside- everything from candy bars to bags of potato chips to a hundred other things.

Then, I start to eat.

* * *

FRANK'S POV

For five long seconds after Leo left, Jason, Percy, and I just stand there in silence.

"What'd I do?" I finally ask. Sure, the comment was out of line, but one, Valdez tried to steal my girl and I just know he would've hurt her like every other player in the world. And besides, Valdez wasn't one to be so emotional, so what am I missing here?

Jason sighs. "Frank, Leo's mom died when he was eight. She never got the chance to give him dating advice."

What I did crashes down on me; I didn't know... I guess Leo didn't want me to. Didn't want anyone to know.

I groan and put my head in my hands. "I'm such a jerk."

Jason smiles. "No, you're not. I'll admit, that comment was rude, but you're a nice guy overall. And Leo isn't one to hold grudges."

I nod and say, "I should go apologize. I'll be right back."

As I walk towards Leo's room, I try to think of what I'm going to say.

Sorry doesn't mean anything unless you say what you're sorry for, my mom used to say.

I'm sorry for accusing you of stealing Hazel.

I stop short. What are you thinking, Frank? Hazel is not a toy that some people can steal from you.

I'm sorry for thinking you'd hurt Hazel.

No, that's practically an invitation for him to date her.

I'm sorry for bringing up your mom.

That doesn't even begin to describe how sorry I am. Too little, too late, I can almost picture him saying.

"Hey, Frank," Hazel says as she walks up to me. "Aren't you guys supposed to be training?"

For a moment-just a moment, I assure you- I considered lying and telling her training had ended early. But no; my mother had taught me better than to lie.

Didn't she also teach you not to insult people, or to accuse them of things without knowing the entire story? My self conscious snarks.

You've got me there.

Nonetheless, I decide to go with the truth.

"I said something I didn't mean to Leo, and he ran off," I say with a sigh.

Hazel frowned. "Is he okay?"

I smile, softly. "He's Leo Valdez. Of course, he's fine. I'll apologize, and everything will go back to normal."

Hazel smiles and nods. "Alright. I'll see you at lunch."

I continue the walk to Leo's room, but when I arrive at the door, I stop.

There's a bathroom across from Leo's room.

And from inside, I hear the sound of someone throwing up.

* * *

LEO'S POV

I feel so full. My stomach hurts, which I guess makes sense, considering I've eaten more today than I have in the last six months.

I tally up the calories from everything I ate, and I drop the pencil.

4, 077 calories.

I haven't binged like that since I was... thirteen. And back then, I'd eaten even more, at least 10, 000 calories.

 **Come on, Valdez, you know the drill. You screwed up; now, you have to fix it.**

I stuff all the wrappers back into the shoeboxes and throw them almost violently under the bed before I stand and head to the bathroom.

I usually use this bathroom for purging because no one ever comes down here. The only things on this end of the hallway is my room, the bathroom, and a staircase to lower parts of the ship, where the stables and the engine room are. The perfect place for privacy.

I kneel on the floor and remove a loose floorboard, where I keep water bottles and cans of Diet soda. It would be incredibly suspicious if I were to bring things like this into the bathroom, so I store them in this compartment for emergencies.

I start to chug water and diet coke until my stomach feels ready to implode, but I don't stop until the bile starts to rise out of stomach of its own accord.

Slamming down my fourth water bottle, I force my fingers down my throat and watch as my binge comes out.

The Voice lives by a rule: 3 or more.

Therefore, I purge twice more, but then, I purge again. And again. Before I know it, I've gone through this process seven times total.

When I do it for the eighth time, something makes me stop.

There's something in my mouth. Something warm... and coppery.

I spit it into the toilet.

Blood.

I flush the toilet and stumble to my feet to wash my hands and rinse the rest of the blood from my mouth.

Thinking about the dream last night, I realize that... my worst nightmares are coming true. This should make me stop.

But it doesn't. I don't want to stop. I need the control that this brings; I need to be... good enough; I want to be wanted.

When I started doing this, I was praised. Boys and girls alike used to ask me how I did it, how I was so disciplined and had so much self control. My gym teacher used to compliment me on how the weight loss improved my fitness. I was able to run faster, so the system had a much harder time catching me.

I couldn't stop now. I'd come too far. I'd gone from one hundred and twelve pounds to...

Speaking of that...

I stand on the scale and watch as red blinking numbers slowly come into focus.

Seventy two and a half pounds. I'd lost an entire pound since this morning. A smile slowly grew across my face.

I guess I'd better go talk to the guys and apologize for bailing; I shouldn't be so... emotional.

I open the door, only to barely dodge the fist that had been poised to knock.

When I get over the shock of nearly getting conked out, my eyes land on the person standing outside the bathroom door.

Frank Zhang.

And he looks... concerned?

* * *

 _So what do you think? And I know that 72.5 pounds seems impossible, but I know a girl that only ways 65 (she's really short and does_ _sports), so it is definitely possible to weigh that much as a teenager, although for Leo, it's unhealthy; for the girl I know, it's natural._

 _Anyway, how will Frank react? Can Leo lie his way out of this one?_

 _To be continued..._


	3. Not Through The Night

_This chapter is shorter than I'd intended, but I'm going to make next chapter longer to make up for it._

 _And also, Leo's eating disorder. Right now, he has anorexia with bulimic tendencies, which basically means he is primarily anorexic but sometimes acts with bulimic behaviors, such as the occasional purge. And a little spoiler, but soon, Leo's ED will develop into EDNOS (Eating disorder not otherwise specified); you will find out what that means for Leo later._

 ** _ALSO, IMPORTANT: I AM GETTING READY TO POST A NEW STORY. I HAVE THE SUMMARIES FOR A FEW OF MY IDEAS ON MY PROFILE. PLEASE READ THEM AND EITHER VOTE ON THE POLL OR REVIEW WHICH STORY YOU'D LIKE ME TO POST ON ANY OF MY STORIES. THANKS!_**

 ** _Disclaimer: I own nothing_**

* * *

 _I need you to know_

 _I'm not through the night_

 _Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light_

 _I need you to know_

 _That we'll be OK_

 _Together we can make it through another day_

-"Courage" by Superchick

* * *

"Frank?" I force past my lips.

Shit, shit, shit!

"Are you okay?" Frank asks, taking in my red rimmed eyes, my puffy cheeks, and my deer caught in a headlight expression.

I nod. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, I heard you getting sick."

"Yeah, just a stomach bug," I lie.

Frank frowns. "You were fine a few minutes ago."

"I haven't been feeling good all day. That's why I was so... emotional earlier," I say, smiling sheepishly.

Put on a show, the Voice whispers. Masks, lies; it's the only way to protect our secret.

"Speaking of that, Leo, I'm sorry. What I said was out of line and just plain mean," Frank tells me.

I smile. "It's cool, man. No blood, no foul."

"No, Valdez, you hadn't even done anything. I was just temperamental and jealous, and I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

I sigh, pretending to be exasperated. "Frank, it's fine. If I didn't forgive anyone that offended me, I wouldn't have any friends."

Frank is still frowning; that can't be good.

"Leo... you wouldn't make yourself throw up on purpose, would you?"

I roll my eyes. "Frank, do you know me? Do I look like the type of person to have an eating disorder?"

"Well, no, but-"

"Frank, I'm just sick. That's how the human body works. You get sick, you get better; you get sick, you get better; you get sick, you die. That's how it works," I laugh.

He nods, slowly. "Alright, just... get better. And if it gets worse, tell somebody, okay? We don't need you kneeling over on us before we kick Gaea's butt," he says with a small smile.

I chuckle. "Don't worry 'bout me. Tell the guys I'm not feeling good, and I can't make it back to training for me, would you?"

"Sure. Get some rest, Valdez," he says, walking away.

I walk into my room and lean against the door, sliding down it to the floor.

 _"That's how the human body works. You get sick, you get better."_

That's how the human _body_ works. But that's not how the human _mind_ works.

* * *

I should've known that I'm not out of the woods yet.

I go to lunch and try to act normal while avoiding food at all costs. About half way through the meal, though, I notice Frank watching me.

Aw, fuck. Should've known he wouldn't let it go that easily.

So I force myself to eat. I eat what a 'normal' person would eat. I eat a sandwich, and all through lunch, I feel Frank's eyes on me, making sure I put the food in my mouth.

Lunch finally ends, and all I want to do is go to my room and purge, but of course, Jason catches me on the way out the door.

"Hey, Leo. You okay?" He asks.

I smile. "Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

He shrugs, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. "Well, you ran out of the room earlier, which isn't really like you."

I smile, sheepishly. "Yeah, I'm starting to get sick. That's why I've been so... emotional lately. Sorry 'bout that."

Jason shakes his head. "It's fine, but you're getting sick? You want me to tell Annabeth or Hazel?"

Annabeth and Hazel are our main Healers on the Argo II. They'd know something was up.

I shake my head, rolling my eyes. "It's just a stomach bug, Jace. No big deal. I'll rest, and it'll be gone before you know it. Thanks for the concern, though."

I brush past him and head to my room. Once I'm there, I take some plastic bags out of my tool belt, along with a drill, which I turn on. It whirs loudly, covering up the sound of me throwing up.

I used to do this in the foster homes, but I played music. They were none the wiser.

After the moon rises, I dump the bag's contents into the toilet and flush, then bury the bag in the garbage. They'll never know.

I don't like lying. It's just... once I started lying, I couldn't stop. I lied to my psychiatrists, my doctors, my foster parents (the ones that cared), my friends, telling them that I was better, that I'd stopped. After I started lying, I couldn't stop.

There's always been something about how good I feel when I get away with it. When I told my psychiatrist I was following the meal plan, when I'd thrown all of it away. When my doctor weighed me at the clinic and smiled when she found I'd 'gained' eight pounds, but I'd actually had paper weights wedged between my belt and my stomach. When my friends and foster parents said I was looking healthier, but I'd really been using make up and extra layers of clothing to make it appear that way.

And now, here I am. Hiding my 'habits' and telling my friends I'm just sick and I'll get better.

Do I know it's unhealthy? Yes. Do I know I could die? Yes. Do I care? Not anymore.

I'm tired. Tired of the guilt, the pain, the loneliness. Tired of acting. I'm tired of living. If this thing kills me, I'll probably be thanking it.

* * *

"Annabeth?" Frank calls, knocking quietly.

She opens the door, looking tired and groggy; it is late, and Frank had probably woken her up. But this is something that needs to be away from prying ears and needs to stay on the down low. At least for now.

"What? Frank?" She mutters.

"We need to talk," he says.

Seeing the urgency in his eyes, she turns on the light and opens the door fully, allowing him to step inside.

"What's wrong?"

"It's Leo."

Annabeth perks up, her brow creased with concern. "What's wrong with him?"

"Earlier today... I'm sure Percy told you about what happened during training, right?"

She nods, looking confused.

"Well, when I went to apologize, I heard him throwing up in the bathroom. He said he was sick, but... I don't think that's the case. I watched him at lunch, and he didn't eat anything until he saw me watching him.

"Does any of that sound suspicious to you? Or am I just being paranoid?"

Annabeth thinks it over for a moment, pursing her lips, like she does when she's thinking hard.

"I believe," she starts, slowly, "that we should keep an eye on him, but... until we get some hard evidence, we shouldn't start accusing him."

Frank nods. "Should we tell the others to look out for him?"

Annabeth shakes her head. "Not yet. Piper and Jason would confront him; Hazel would go into mother hen mode; and Percy isn't exactly known for keeping secrets. For now, we keep this between us. If we notice anymore strange behavior, we tell the others. Sound good?"

Frank nods. "And if he gets any paler, we're locking him in the sick bay."

She laughs, quietly, but her eyes are still serious. "Agreed."

* * *

Everyone knows that when Seaweed Brain notices something is wrong, something is, undoubtedly, wrong.

At around six AM, he wakes up, having to use the bathroom; he walks out and head towards the one closest to his room.

Only to smack into something.

It's Leo, but... different. He's pale as a ghost, and there are dark bags under his eyes, as though he's been up all night. He's wearing a long sleeved shirt, a jacket, and long sleep pants, despite the fact that it's summer and he must be boiling. But the worst part?

His hands are still. When Leo's hands aren't moving, something isn't right.

"Hey, man, you okay?" Percy asks.

Leo nods. "Yeah, 'm fine. Just a little tired."

"Are you sure you don't want me to-"

"I said I'm fine," Leo snaps before brushing past him and storming down the hall to his room.

Percy uses the bathroom before going to Annabeth's door and knocking on it.

She answers it, looking beautiful, even in her rumpled sleep clothes and with bleary eyes and bed head.

Priorities, Percy.

"We need to talk. It's Leo."

* * *

I'm exhausted, but no matter what, no matter how much I toss and turn, I can't sleep. On the few times, I am graced with slumber, I wake up twenty minutes later from a nightmare.

And I'm cold, which shouldn't be possible, seeing as I'm a fire user. My body temperature is naturally high, and the only time I've been cold is when I'm around Khione, and even then, using my fire powers, I heated up pretty quickly.

But now, I'm freezing, and when I try to make a fire, it barely gets bigger than a thimble before snuffing out. If we get attacked, I'm screwed.

I go to the kitchen to get a drink, and I take a sleeping pill (I keep some in my tool belt in case my insomnia gets really bad), but as I'm walking down the hall, I run into somebody.

It's Percy, and he looks concerned.

"Hey, man, you okay?" Percy asks.

Why does everyone keep asking me that? Can't they see I'm fine!?

(I'm lying to myself, and I know it, but I won't admit it)

I nod. "Yeah, 'm fine. Just a little tired."

"Are you sure you don't want me to-"

"I said I'm fine," I snap, suddenly very moody, before I brush past him and storming down the hall to my room.

Once there, I lean against the dresser, suddenly feeling very dizzy. The room's spinning, spinning, spinning...

Suddenly, it stops, and I stand shakily.

Shit, that was weird.

* * *

Jason blinks. And blinks again.

Leo doesn't look like... Leo.

How descriptive, Sparky, he can almost hear Leo say in the back of his brain.

The crew is all sitting at the table, eating various breakfasts. Percy and his blue pancakes (he's Percy; who knows what's going on in his head); Annabeth and her eggs and toast; Piper and her waffles; Jason and his Fruity Pebbles (what? Don't judge him); Frank and his Poptarts (which he's trying to get Hazel to try); and Hazel and her plain toast (she's a traditionalist).

Leo comes in half way through breakfast, and the entire room seems to go still.

Leo doesn't look like his vibrant self. He looks like he's dead on his feet with skin that's three times paler than usual and dark circles under his eyes. He's wearing jeans and a long sleeved shirt and a jacket on a heated ship; his hair is limp, as though it'll fall out any second.

Leo sits down, and everyone looks away, returning to their conversations, but every few seconds, they glance at him. Food doesn't enter his mouth once.

* * *

I don't feel too good.

I lay my head on the table, using my arm as a pillow, and just lie there.

I'm so tired, but I can't sleep. I'm hungry, but I can't eat; the Voice will get mad at me if I do. I need help, but I refuse to get it. I refuse to even acknowledge that I need it.

I'm almost asleep when I feel a hand on my shoulder.

"Leo, you alright?"

Piper.

I sit up, and I see the entire crew watching me, as if I'll drop dead any second.

"Yeah. Just really tired. I'm gonna go... get some rest."

I stand up, trying to ignore the spinning room and head for the door.

The spinning room turns sideways, and I'm on my back, staring up at my friends. They're talking, but the words don't reach my ears.

I'm falling... down, down, down.

The world goes black.

* * *

 _I know the change in Leo seems kind of drastic, but don't worry, all will be explained next chapter. And next chapter, you get some background information on Leo's eating disorder._

 _Also, the thing I like most about this chapter that I want to address is that some people with eating disorders know that they need help, but refuse it. Movies and TV make it seem like they all think that there's nothing wrong with what they're doing; some are like that, but not all of them. I just wanted to address that._

 _Thanks for reading! Review!_


	4. I Don't Know The First Day

_I'm sorry for my absence! I went on vacation, and although I had plenty of time to write, I couldn't find a good enough connection to post! I'm sorry, but trust me, I'm making it up to you._

 _I'VE SWITCHED TO **3RD** PERSON POV. Sorry, but I'm better at writing 3rd than 1st_

 _Also,_ _Leo said he ran away from six foster homes, but I included a few extras that he was taken out of, so he went to eleven foster homes and was taken out of five for one reason or another._

 _IMPORTANT: THIS STORY IS GOING TO HAVE SOME GRAPHIC PARTS TO IT. I WILL TRY TO WARN YOU, AND I'M GOING TO SAY THAT THE FIRST FLASHBACK IN THIS CHAPTER IS VERY GRAPHIC IN TERMS OF MENTAL ABUSE AND BULLYING. **READ THE FIRST AND THIRD FLASHBACK AT YOUR OWN RISK**_

 ** _WARNINGS: VERBAL ABUSE, MENTIONS OF PHYSICAL ABUSE AND VERY VAGUE IMPLIED SEXUAL ABUSE, LANGUAGE, BULLYING_**

 ** _Disclaimer: I own nothing._**

* * *

 _I don't know the first time I felt unbeautiful_

 _The day I chose not to eat_

 _What I do know is how I've changed my life forever_

 _I know I should know better_

-"Courage" by Superchick

* * *

 ***2008- Leo's age: 11***

"For Pete's sake, you fat pig! Stop eating, or you won't be able to please your master when you go whoring!"

Leo gulped and placed the bread back on his plate, pushing the full plate away, despite his growling stomach.

His seven foster siblings and his foster father laughed, cruelly, and Leo wanted so badly to stand and run to his 'room', but he had to sit here until everyone was done.

This was his fourth foster home. He had seven siblings, each one worse than the last. The mother was only there on the weekends, and the father hated Leo more than anything on the planet.

Leo lived in the garage with nothing except a ratty old blanket, and all of his things, including the rest of his clothes, had been confiscated and hidden. He was treated like a slave, pushed around, and was the official punching bag, not to mention the food. They never let him eat; he'd been there for ten days, and they didn't let him eat until yesterday. And now, today...

"Slut!" Malcom, the eldest, shouted in his ear. "Freak!"

"Fat ass," Katherine agreed.

"Stop it!" Leo cried, cupping his hands over his ears. "Please!"

"Pathetic," Malcom laughed.

"Ugly!" Luna cheered, giggling and clapping her hands. She was only one year old, so she must've been copying Katherine.

"Stupid," the father taunted.

"NO, STOP!" Leo screamed.

Malcom smirked. "You want to eat so badly, eat, fatty!" He laughed and tried to force feed Leo a piece of bread.

"No!" Leo cried, actually starting to feel hot tears drip down his face.

Leo spat it out and said, "I-I don't even want to eat anymore."

The father sneered. "That's my good boy."

He went to brush his hand through Leo's hair, mockingly, but Leo raced to the garage, shutting the door behind him.

That was the first day he pushed food away, deliberately, and it wasn't the last.

The father offered him food for several days after, but Leo refused to eat. He'd rather starve to death than have to sit at that table again with insults being shouted in both ears.

* * *

 ***2009- Leo's age: 12***

He was 'sick' (a nondescriptive word to describe his mental illness and the collection of symptoms). He didn't have an eating disorder (yet), but after being abused by his foster father, he was more traumatized than ever. PTSD resulted in a lack of appetite, among other symptoms.

Therefore, Leo couldn't eat. He wanted to, but he couldn't. Anything he forced down his throat, he ejected moments later.

"Leo, you need to eat," the nurse said with pitying eyes.

Leo shook his head, silent.

"Leo, please. You're sick enough. You need to put something in your body, or you'll get even worse."

Leo shook his head again.

"Leo, if you don't eat, I'm afraid we'll have to put you on the feeding tube," she mumbled, reluctantly.

Leo picked up his sandwich and forced it into his mouth, choking down a single bite. He glared at the woman, as if to say 'happy?'

She smiled and nodded before going to check on other patients.

 _You don't deserve food_ , Leo thought.

Leo stood and walked over to the bathroom, where he pulled apart the sandwich and dropped it into the toilet water. Only two bites were left on the tray to make it more convincing for the nurse, and he flushed the toilet.

Leo placed the tray on the bed side table and tried to sleep, praying for a nightmare free slumber.

He didn't get his wish.

* * *

 ***2010- Leo's age: 13***

"Hey, Valdez! Where's your mom?"

"Oh, that's right! He doesn't have one!"

The group of boys and girls laughed and pointed as Leo walked past them. It was parent night, and their parents were too busy speaking with one another to notice their kids.

Leo's foster mother was there, but she was also going to a meeting regarding her biological children, Kristen and Diana. He would be next.

Suddenly, a hand pinched at Leo's waist, gathering the small amount of fat there was between their fingers.

"Hey! What the hell?" Leo squawked.

"Geesh, how many calories did you eat today?" Jordan sneered. "10, 000? 20,000?"

"Shut up," Leo growled. He actually hadn't eaten anything.

"That's a yes. I mean, look at this, guys!" He shouted over his shoulder before pinching Leo's cheek. "Damn, chipmunk."

"Stop it," Leo demanded.

Then, there were hands pinching his skin, gathering the small amount of fat on Leo's bones, calling him names, laughing.

"Stop!" He cried.

Voices rang in his ears. The bullies, the foster siblings from his fourth foster home, his foster parents, Aunt Rosa's. Everyone who had ever insulted him.

Leo ran to the bathroom, shoving parents and students out of his way, until he skidded in front of the sink.

He stared at his face in the mirror, his red eyes, his runny nose, his chipmunk cheeks.

When he woke up this morning, he didn't see himself as fat. Now, though...

Tell someone something so many times, and they may start to believe it...

* * *

 ***2011- Leo's age: 14***

Leo's foster parents were worried about him, he was losing too much weight, they said, which he didn't believe for a single second.

They hospitalized him at Blue Crown, an eating disorder center. Apparently, he had anorexia, which Leo didn't understand. He ate because he didn't deserve it; he wanted to be thinner, but that wasn't the main reason why he was doing this.

After all, eating disorders were for teenage girls wanting to be thinner, right?

No. Leo learned here that that was far from the truth. He met mostly teenage girls, but there was a handful of boys, and although this hospital was for children, some of them had moms or grandmothers with eating disorders. It could be passed down in families, just like alcoholism or depression.

Leo wondered if one of his parents had an eating disorder when they were his age, or maybe even his grandparents.

He wasn't sure if he wanted to know.

Leo learned a lot of things in that hospital, but it didn't make him want to get better. He ate what people put in front of him but then, he purged out the window in his room, and his roommates didn't stop him or even mention it.

Leo got friends to sneak in pounds and paperweights that he stuck in his belt and taped to his stomach. He also chugged three water bottles and wore three layers of clothes and jewelry under his clothes to make him heavier.

He was out of the hospital in three months, and no one ever knew. Leo continued purging until he moved foster homes, and he went back to starving. Whenever someone got suspicious, Leo would eat and purge.

It was a perfect system in his mind.

* * *

Leo blearily blinks his eyes open, and he sees Piper leaning over him. The back of her hand is pressed against his forehead.

"Piper," he mutters. "What are you doing?"

"You passed out," she says. "Leo, have you been eating?"

"Of course I have," Leo mumbles, still incredibly drowsy. "Why?"

"You're just really thin," Piper says, and he feels her hands pressing against his stomach, where he knows his ribs are showing through his paper thin skin.

"Yeah," Leo says. "I've been sick, and being on the run all the time, I can't put on weight. It just comes right back off."

Piper sits back, her face contemplating. "Alright... eat," she says without a trace of Charmspeak in her voice.

She places a tray of tomato soup (90 calories) and a piece of bread (65 calories) on his lap. There's a bottle of water, as well.

Leo shrugs, easily pretending that the sight of food doesn't cause a lump to form in his throat as anxiety courses through his veins.

Leo eats every last bite of it and hands the tray to Piper, his eyes daring her to challenge him.

"Now, if you're done analyzing my eating habits, may I get back to work?" Leo asks.

Piper sighs. "I'll cut you loose, but promise me you'll take it easy for the next few days."

Leo nods. "I promise, Pipes."

She smiles. "Alright. Go ahead, Repair Boy."

"Whoo!" Leo throws off the sheets and stands, ignoring the slight dizziness. At least it was better than it had been.

"Take it easy!" Piper shouts as he races from the room.

"Yeah, Pipes!" Leo yells back.

"I'm serious!"

"Yada, yada, yada!"

"Oh, gods," Piper mumbles, and Leo knew the fainting incident was forgotten.

Leo sprints towards his room and skids to a stop when he sees Frank waiting for him.

"Frank, what's up?" He asks.

"I just wanted to ask how you are," Frank says.

Leo shrugs. "I'm fine."

But he isn't. His stomach churns as the food and the calories and the _fat_ settles, and if he doesn't get it up soon, he won't be able to do so.

"Oh. Erm, okay," Frank states.

"Well... I have work to do. Just some standard stuff, like making sure we don't crash into an ice berg," Leo assures him.

Frank frowns. "Where would we crash into an ice berg?"

"You never know."

"True that," Frank admitts. "Take it easy, though," he states before walking back down the hall.

Leo bursts into his cabin, turns on his drill, and the tomato soup and bread come up just like it went down into the plastic bag Leo pulls from his tool belt.

Just like magic.

And now, as long as he eats in front of the crew, they won't know.

They can't know.

* * *

 _More chapters to come very soon!_


	5. There Are Days

_I'm back!_

 ** _Disclaimer: I own nothing_**

* * *

 _There are days when I'm okay_

 _And for a moment_

 _I find hope_

 _But there are days when I'm not okay_

 _And I need your help_

 _So I'm letting go_

-"Courage" by Superchick

* * *

The next day, Leo feels fine. He feels happy, better than he has in months.

Annabeth, Piper, and Frank watch him carefully at breakfast, and Leo is able to eat without The Voice screaming in his ear, ranting about calories and pounds and control. His head feels clear, and all is silent in Leo World. There is no Voice, no methodical counting of calroies, no anxiety. It's fantastic.

He tunes back into the conversation between Jason and Percy.

"Percy, it is unnatural. Pancakes should not be blue!"

"Maybe it's not natural, but then again, neither are we."

"He's got a point," Leo inputs.

"Maybe you do, but still, why blue?"

"It's a tradition," Percy answers.

Jason sighs in exasperation.

"It makes him happy, " Annabeth adds. "I swear he loves blue food more than me."

"Obviously," Percy deadpans.

The crew bursts into laughter, and for the first time in a long time, Leo doesn't have to fake it.

* * *

He was too happy. Things were going too well. He should've known it would come to an end.

Leo grabs some sea sickness medication from the cupboard in the bathroom (he always comes prepared) before heading up to the deck.

Hazel is kneeling over the railing, wiping her mouth on her sleeve after her breakfast had finally stopped flying past her lips.

"Here," Leo says, handing her a pill and a glass of water. "Sea sickness medication."

She smiles. "Thanks. Why do you have it?"

Leo shrugs. "I'm like a boy scout. Always prepared."

The daughter of Pluto laughs. "Good thing, too. I was miserable."

"I know how you feel," Leo blurts. At her quizzical look, he lies, "Oh, when I was really young, I had a weak immune system, so I would get sick a lot. My immune system built up over the years."

"Until now," says Hazel.

Frowning, Leo asks, "What do you mean?"

"Frank told me you were sick," Hazel responds. "Is that why you passed out?"

Leo nods. "Yeah, I thought it was just the flu and that it'd go away in a few days, and I let it get way out of hand."

She nods. "Well, I hope you're feeling better, Sam...Leo. Sorry."

Hazel won't meet his eyes.

"Oh, it's fine," Leo lies.

 **She doesn't care about you. She only cares about her precious Sammy** , the Voice growls.

 _Shut up. She didn't mean it._

 **You know she did. You shouldn't have eaten this morning.**

 _What does that have to do with now?_

 **You're bloated, disgusting, stupid. Not eating means perfection, stength, and control. Eating means fat and weakness and lack of will power.**

 _I'm sorry._

 **Sorry isn't good enough. And neither are you.**

Before Leo can say anything back, BANG!

Leo whirls around, whipping a hammer out of his belt before Hazel could even react to the sound. A few seconds after Leo, she draws her gladius and faces the... whatever it is.

It's a huge beast ten times the size of Leo. With muscles the size of three baseball in a straight line and dark, greasy hair braided with swords and weapons, it's pretty intimidating. The blood staining its hands and clothes doesn't help either. It only wears a ripped skirt and has tattoos plastered across its chest.

"What is it?" Leo calls to Annabeth as she and Percy skid onto the deck.

"I don't know," she cries.

"Annabeth doesn't know," Leo mutters. "We're in really deep shit."

Arrows imbed themselves in its skin, but the monster just tears them out and snaps them in two. Jason flies at the beast, but it swats Jason out of the air like a fly, and Leo watches as his best friend skids on his back into a wall. He doesn't get back up.

"JASON!" Piper cries before turning towards the monster. "You don't want to hurt us! Leave!" She shouts, pouring Charmspeak into her words. It takes all of Leo's willpower not to obey her and leap off the edge of the ship.

The monster laughs, a thick, grating sound that makes Leo want to cover his ears. It reminds him of one of his foster parents; they'd homeschooled him and had expected a lot from an ADHD, dyslexic kid. Whenever Leo got an answer wrong, she'd either slap him with a ruler or drag her nails down the chalkboard until Leo was begging her to stop. For those of you that have never heard nails on a chalkboard, I envy you.

"Charmspeak does not affect me, girl," it chuckles before kicking Piper, gently. The force still sends her flying back into the rail, where she lands conscious, but incredibly dazed.

Frank turns into a dragon and tries to slash at the monster's face, but the monster punches him. Frank transforms back and falls to the ground, and he doesn't get back up.

Percy is pissed. Water rises from the sea and wraps around the monster, engulfing him in a whirlpool. The monster starts to rise off of the deck, but at the last second, he tosses a sword from his braids; the weapon drives itself into Percy's ribs.

"Percy!" Annabeth cries before racing at the monster, leaping off of the deck and using the beast's leg as a springboard. She raises her dagger over the monster's neck, but he grasps her in his fist and throws her to the ground. She lands beside Percy, clutching her ribs and nearly unconscious.

"Hazel, guard the others," Leo snaps.

"But-"

"Now!"

She nods and goes over to drag Frank away from the monster.

"OI! Ugly!" Leo screams, throwing a screwdriver to get the monster's attention.

The monster glares. "Who are you?"

"I'm Leo Valdez, son of Hephaestus, and I'm about to pound you into the ground!" Leo brags.

"Oh, really?" The monster grins, nastily, before grabbing Leo around the waist. Leo feels at least three of his ribs break.

"Yep!" Leo chuckles, trying not to weeze in pain. "You're nothing compared to the things I've fought."

The monster glares. "Do tell, demigod. Who is more powerful than I?"

"Well, there's Gaea. And if you're so powerful, do you spit poison?"

"Well, no."

"Fly?"

"Erm, no, but-"

"Immune to fire?"

"No, but-"

Leo smiles. "Great to hear."

Then, he lights himself on fire.

The monster cries out, trying to fling Leo away from him, but Leo simply drops onto its ginormous knee and started scurrying up its legs and swinging himself onto its arm. He is still on fire, and shiny burns are appearing all over the monster's skin.

Leo leaps onto the monster's shoulder, and the monster, roaring in anger, draws a dagger from its hair and starts jabbing at his shoulder blades in search of Leo.

Leo smirks before plunging a dagger (he always carries one for emergencies) into the monster's neck.

It disintegrates, but not before it gets a good stab in. Blood gushes down Leo's stomach, and waves of pain roll over him.

Leo is still on the monster's shoulder when it returns to Tarturas, so Leo is sent rolling. He crashes right into Hazel, and she screams. Leo is still on fire, and she stumbles away from him, burns appearing on her hands and clinging to her clothes.

She starts patting out the flames.

Leo screams, "Stop, duck, and roll."

"What?" She demands.

Leo grabs her shoulders and throws her as gently as he can to the floor.

"Now, roll over until the flames are out," he instructs.

She does so, and the flames vanish in seconds.

She reaches into her pocket and retrieves a piece of... firewood? It's been burned slightly by the flames, but it's still in fairly good condition. Why does Hazel have firewood anyway? And such a small piece, barely the size of Leo's palm.

Leo turns when he hears footsteps, and a fist flies in between his eyes.

Leo falls to the ground, dazed with black spots dancing across his vision. Blood drips over his lips and down his chin, and pain is still burning brightly in his stomach.

"You idiot!" Percy snaps, and Leo scoots away from the angry son of Poseidon. "You burned Hazel and nearly killed Frank."

Leo wonders how, but he decides now is not the right time to ask.

"You're a monster, Valdez! You destroy everything you touch!" Percy yells. "What is _wrong_ with you?"

Leo looks past Percy and sees Frank glaring at him from where he is sitting beside Hazel, who is currently cradling her burned hands. Annabeth is bandaging them; when did she get a first aid kit? Piper is sitting beside Hazel, using Charmspeak to calm her down, and Jason stares at Leo, judgentally, from Piper's side.

"I-I'm sorry," Leo stammers.

"Sorry isn't good enough!"

Leo freezes. The Voice... everything it said was true. He is hearing the same words from Percy, so there must be truth to them. Right?

"I'm sorry," Leo tries again before standing and racing away from the other six.

They are all left staring at a puddle of blood in the middle of the deck.

* * *

Leo paces around in his room for several minutes.

He can't purge his breakfast; it's been almost two hours. There is no way he could get anything up. There is only one way to get rid of it.

The son of Hephaestus leaves his room and marches to the training room, his dagger in hand.

Leo isn't sure how much time passes. It could've been hours or minutes or even seconds, but he doesn't stop training. Not even when sweat makes his clothes cling to his body in every area. Not even when blood stains the bandage he'd hastily wrapped around the wound. Not even when the room begins spinning.

Leo trains, doing free running techniques he hasn't used in years, trying new sword tricks Percy and Jason had tried (and failed) to teach him. He does sit ups (which caused the wound on his stomach to flare up, but he doesn't care. He deserves it), push ups, chin ups, pull ups, squats, and so many more exercises. He hasn't exercised like this since he was fourteen, and even though it hurt, the pain makes him feel... alive. He feels in control.

He is just practicing another sword maneuver when the door opens.

"Leo! There you are... what are you doing?" Jason asks.

Leo doesn't even turn to look at him. "Training. What does it look like?"

"Leo, you're bleeding. You need to go the infirmary."

"I'm fine," Leo responds.

But he isn't. The room is spinning like a top on high speed, and Leo knows that it isn't just the wound anymore. He'd burned off any calories from breakfast long ago and doing so much on so little fuel is leaving him dizzy and exhausted.

"No, you're not," Jason says. "Come on."

A hand grabs Leo's arm, and Leo is just about to wrench it away when the world turns side ways, and Leo falls into Jason's arms.

The last thing Leo hears is Jason screaming for help before the world goes black.

* * *

Jason is worried about Leo. Sure, he'd been angry when Leo had burned Hazel, but when Leo ran away, leaving only a puddle of blood behind him, Jason's anger was replaced by worry. The kind of worry a big brother has for a little brother.

Jason is racing after Leo before anyone else can take a step.

He loses Leo along the way and heads for Leo's room, but by the time he gets there, Leo is gone. He'd obviously been there, though, because droplets of blood stain the wood and a few rolls of bandages are strewn across the bed.

He searches everywhere, and after Hazel and Percy's wounds are taken care of, the rest of the crew joins him.

Engine room, mess hall, stables, bathrooms... Leo is no where.

The crew gather in the mess hall to discuss where Leo might be, but Jason has one more place to check before he joins them. The training room.

That is where he finds Leo.

Leo is practicing a sword maneuver Jason and Percy had been trying and failing to teach him for weeks. He achieves it, though, so obviously, he's been practicing for a while.

Leo is pale and his shirt clings to his body due to the sweat soaking it. Blood has already stained through his shirt. Jason frowns as he realizes how thin Leo really is; he can count his ribs through his shirt. Leo always wears baggy clothes, but now that his shirt is sticking to his skin, Jason can cleary see that Leo is incredibly underweight. Maybe even dangerously so.

"Leo! There you are... what are you doing?" Jason asks.

Why on earth is Leo doing this while wounded?

Leo doesn't even turn to look at him. "Training. What does it look like?"

"Leo, you're bleeding. You need to go the infirmary."

"I'm fine," Leo responds.

But Jason can tell that he isn't. Leo is pale and bleeding, and he has a hand on the wall to brace himself. Basically he looks like he is ready to pass out. Again.

"No, you're not. Come on."

Jason crosses the room and places a hand on Leo's arm to drag him to the Infirmary if needed.

Before Leo can take a step, though, the fire user topples to the ground, and Jason catches him in his arms.

"HELP!" Jason screams. "HELP!"

People come running, and Jason lifts Leo's shirt and nearly gets sick.

Leo's wound is awful. It's deep, but thankfully narrow. But that isn't what makes Jason feel nauseous.

Leo's ribs jut, dangerously, out of his paper thin skin. His stomach is horribly shrunken in. Leo looks like one of those emaciated prisoners from the concentration camps back in the 1940s.

Jason starts crying, and he hasn't cried in years, but...

How did they not notice?

* * *

 _Well, that's that. At least it's not as dark as last chapter._

 _Also, I don't mean to bash Percy or anything, but he's incredibly loyal and is probably still mad at Leo for New Rome, so..._


	6. Fighting To Walk Towards The Light

_Hello again!_

 ** _Disclaimer: I own nada._**

* * *

 _I need you to know_

 _I'm not through the night_

 _Sometimes I'm still fighting to walk towards the light_

 _I need you to know that we'll be okay_

 _Together we can make it through another day_

-"Courage" by Superchick

* * *

Leo always hated Royal Blue Treatment Center.

It is an Eating Disorder Clinic that has very strict rules. You have to eat in the dining room, have to eat this many calories, have to go to Group, have to do this and that.

There are no doors. You have to have permission to use the bathroom and a staff member has to stand outside the door to ensure that you're not purging. Your bags are checked upon arrival.

The only part Leo likes about the Treatment Center were his roommates, Andrew and Clayton.

Andrew has anorexia, and he really knows how to hide food. He'd been there for six months because while he avoided eating, he didn't know how to make it look like he was gaining weight. He'd gotten the feeding tube twice.

Clayton has bulimia, and he always purged on the terrace. If the staff got suspicious of what he was doing, he stole paper bags, purged into them, and hid them under his bed until he could dispose of them.

But aside from their disorders, they're great. Funny, kind. Andrew's smart, and Clayton is so helpful. They're every parent's dream kids.

Leo's the goofball of their group, and the staff calls them the Golden Trio, like the one from Harry Potter. You never saw one without the others.

Leo sits up in his bed and swings his legs over the side. Andrew is awake, reading his science book (he insisted on keeping up with his schoolwork, even when he was too weak to stand, which was more often than not). Clayton snores, softly, in the other bed, and Leo stands to get ready.

He falls right back to the floor.

Andrew glances up, but he doesn't rush to help like he usually does when Leo has a dizzy spell.

"Stay strong, Leo," he mutters.

"Strong," Clayton echoes as he sits up in his bed.

"What?" Leo mumbles, sitting up. When he tries to stand, however, he falls to the floor as though his feet are glued to the ground.

"Don't join us," Andrew says.

Leo frowns, but then, the scenery changes and he's standing in a cemetery that goes on for miles.

"All those that died from eating disorders," Andrew's voice suddenly explains, and Leo whirls to see Andrew and Clayton standing behind him.

"All of them?" Leo asks, staring at the thousands, maybe even millions, of graves.

Clayton nods, and he and Andrew point at two graves that sit side by side.

Leo follows their gesture and falls to his knees, crying.

 **Andrew Barron**

 **April 11, 2001-October 17, 2016**

 **Clayton Rhodes**

 **September 6, 2001-January 12, 2017**

"No," he whimpers.

Andrew points to another gravestone, but this one in placed beside a square hole that goes about six feet down.

A newly dug grave.

 **Leo Valdez**

 **July 7, 2001-July 13, 2017**

Leo screams, and the scenery fades away, Andrew and Clayton vanishing last.

"You dug your own grave," Andrew whispers before he dissolves into dust and blows away in the wind.

* * *

Leo cries out as he sits up in a bed in the Infirmary, and he finds two sets of eyes gazing at him, worriedly.

Jason and Annabeth.

"What happened?" He asks, holding his pounding head.

Annabeth frowns. "You got hurt in the fight against the monster. You left it untreated, and you passed out."

Leo nods, tiredly. "Right... How are Percy and Hazel?"

Jason nods, pursing his lips. "They're fine, but Leo, we need to discuss something."

Leo's eyes widen. "Discuss? Oh, gods, that's what a therapy session always starts with."

Neither smile.

"Leo, how much do you weigh?" Annabeth questions.

Leo shrugs, taken off guard by the sudden question. "I don't know- 80, 90 pounds? Why?" He lies.

Annabeth shakes her head. "Leo, your ribs are jutting out of your skin. You look like a skeleton. How do you explain that?"

Leo opens his mouth before closing it. Even he doesn't know how to lie his way out of this one.

"I-I had a bad cold..." He trails off, knowing that was an awful lie. "Look, the truth is that when I was on the run all the time, I didn't eat much. That left me scrawny, and now, I don't have a very big appetite, so... look, guys, I'm sorry. I try to eat, but sometimes I forget or I'm just not hungry. It won't happen again."

"Leo, Frank heard you throwing up," Annabeth states.

"And you were exercising when I found you," Jason adds. "You were wounded and practically running on empty. I saw you eat breakfast, but that wasn't enough to keep you running for so long."

"It wasn't that hard to put the pieces together," Annabeth finishes.

Leo purses his lips, not knowing what to say. Every liar runs out of lies, eventually.

"I've struggled with this kind of stuff for years," Leo finally blurts. "I have it under control."

"Leo, where are we?" Jason asks.

"The infirmary," Leo responds.

"Exactly."

Leo bites his lip. "Alright. Maybe I did let it get out of hand, but I can fix it."

"No, you can't," a voice says from the doorway, and Leo looks up to see Piper frowning at him. Before he can ask what she means, she continues, "Not alone."

She traverses the floor until she's sitting beside Leo, and he frowns when he sees a stack of papers in her arms.

"What-"

"Leo, we're not going to keep you locked up with a strict schedule like they do in those eating disorder clinics. But... you need to eat. We will make sure you eat at meals, and you won't be allowed out of our sight for an hour and a half afterwards. No excessive training. Sound fair?" Piper questions.

Leo leans back against the wall. "Piper-"

"Leo, it's either that or keep you in here with constant supervision," she interrupts. "What will it be?"

Leo doesn't respond, but she seems to know his decision because she stands and grab a tray from a nearby table. It holds pancakes, bacon, and a glass of orange juice.

Piper sets it on his lap, and Leo stares at the food like it's going to attack him.

"Piper-"

"Eat," she says, firmly, not using Charmspeak. Yet. Something in her voice tells Leo she's not above persuading him to stuff his face.

Leo picks up his fork and nearly drops it. The Arctic cold of the metal seems to burn his hand as dread wells up in stomach, and he knows that'll only make it harder to force the food down.

Reluctantly, he chokes back a bite, all too aware of the others watching him like a hawk.

The food would probably taste good if he'd eaten it when he was ten or younger, but now, food has no appeal. It tastes like cardboard to Leo. He chokes down the food like it's poison.

After a few bites, Leo starts to feel nauseous, but he knows that the others won't let him go until his plate is spotless.

He continues to eat, and finally, the food is churning in his stomach and the plate gleams. He feels so guilty.

Piper nods. "Good. Now, you can leave the infirmary by dinner. Jason will stay with you for the next hour and a half."

Leo nods, not meeting her eyes. He's afraid he'll attack her for making him eat if he looks into her eyes.

Annabeth and Piper leave, and for a very long time, Jason and Leo are silent.

But the voice isn't.

 **Distract him! Why didn't you hide the food? Why were you so weak? Strong people don't pass out! I guess you don't want it enough!**

 _STOP_! Leo screams back, but only in his mind, lest Jason think him to be crazy. Or crazier, I guess.

 **Don't tell me what to do. You'd better be prepared for a lot of pain. Not only will you be taking the laxatives, but you're going to get reacquainted with our old exercise routine.**

Leo flinches at the thought, and unfortunately, Jason notices.

"Are you okay?" He asks. "Uh, I mean, of course you're not, but... you know what I mean."

Leo laughs. "Yeah, I'm fine. And don't worry, Sparky, I'm the same Leo I was before you found out."

Jason purses his lips. "Of course you are. Sorry."

Jason falls silent, and Leo sighs before making the inevitable occur sooner.

"I know you want to ask."

"What?" Jason asks, surprised at the abrupt question.

"I know you have questions. Ask. I promise I won't break down or anything."

Jason hesitates. "All right. Why?"

Leo takes a deep breath. "When I was eleven, I went to an awful foster home. They hated me. Didn't pass up an opportunity to insult me. I hid in my room when I could, and at some point, I stopped coming to the dinner table. It was just another opportunity for them to call me names and stuff. I guess... it just became a habit, not eating."

Jason won't meet Leo's eyes. "Did you ever... get treated?"

Leo nods. "Royal Blue Treatment Center. Eating disorder clinic. I, uh, lied my way out of it."

Jason frowns. "How?"

"I snuck in small weights and rolls of quarters. Purged on the balcony. Found creative ways to get rid of food. After you do this for a while, you start to pick up some tricks."

Jason doesn't know what to say to that.

"You don't have to do it, you know," Jason blurts.

Leo frowns. "Jason, you don't under-"

"No, I do. You've been doing this for a long time, and you have no idea what else to do. All these years, you had nobody that was willing to help you, to fight for you, except for the people that sent you to Treatment. But now, you do. You have us, and we are not ones to give up so easily, especially on our friends. You're not alone."

Leo nods. "I know, but you have no idea what you're getting yourself into."

Jason shrugs. "Maybe I don't, but no matter what it is, we're not giving up on you. I'm not giving up on you. "

Leo smiles. "Thanks."

Leo has had his share of sappy 'I'm here for you' speeches, but for the first time, he believes one of them.

* * *

That night at dinner, everyone stares at Leo like he's a glass figurine, ready to shatter at any moment, and everyone watches Leo as he eats. They eat as well, but there's no conversation.

The food slips down much easier this time, and Leo's relieved. Jason smiles as Leo finishes his plate, and then, Leo surprises himself by getting seconds.

Maybe he can do this, after all.

Two hours later, Leo returns to his cabin, Piper and Jason having finally left his side.

For about a half hour, he catches up on his inventions and there's no anxiety, no Voice.

Until he finds the picture.

Leo stumbles across it by accident while he is searching for his hammer. He finds it in an old box under his bed.

Him and Mamá.

Leo stares at the photograph for a long time, and usually, it makes him stop starving or stop purging or stop binging, but today, it does the opposite.

He stuffs a hand full of laxatives down his throat before he knows what he's doing.

That should've been enough, but after the laxatives do their work, Leo lies on the floor and starts doing sit ups. He won't stop until he does a thousand.

About half way through, he starts crying, and he really doesn't know why.

Maybe it's because the Voice is screaming, and the emotional pain is so overwhelming.

Maybe it's because he feels so out of control, and he knows that he can't stop.

Maybe it's because seeing Mama's photo reminded him of the crippling loneliness that Jason had chased away temporarily.

The door opens, and Leo doesn't even notice until a hand grabs his shoulder and stops his torture session.

Jason doesn't say anything. He just holds Leo in his arms, and to this day, Leo doesn't know how Jason knew Leo needed him. But he never asks; he's just grateful Jason came when he did.

And for the first time in many years, Leo has a shoulder to cry on.

* * *

 _What'd you think? There will be some bonding with other members of the session later, but I love Jason and Leo's friendship, so that will play a huge part in this._

 _Just so you know, Leo will be on a roller coaster for a while. His recovery will have tons of ups and downs, and the change can happen in the blink of an eye._

 _Also, remember Andrew and Clayton. They'll be important later on._


	7. We'll Make it Through Somehow

_I'm back... obviously._

 _I will warn you that the story is going to have some graphic parts to it from here. I will warn you, but please, pay attention to the warnings and read at your own risk_

 ** _Disclaimer: I own nothing._**

 ** _WARNINGS: LANGUAGE, SEXUAL ABUSE (Not very graphic, but I will put it in italics if you want to skip it), MENTIONS OF MURDER, PHYSICAL AND VERBAL ABUSE, SELF HARM_**

* * *

 _You should know_

 _You're not on your own_

 _These secrets are walls that keep us alone_

 _I don't know when, but I know now_

 _Together, we'll make it through somehow_

-"Courage" by Superchick

* * *

The next day, Jason doesn't leave his side all day. He sits by him at meals, helps him with repairs...

For the first time since his mom died, Leo feels like he'll be missed.

Leo walks into the bathroom and stands on the scale.

It reads 76.6.

He's gained four pounds, and surprisingly, Leo doesn't care.

Leo smiles.

* * *

The excitement of finally being free of the Voice and the anxiety and the depression fades quickly. He should've known it was too good to last.

Monster attacks were not rare. Not at all. In fact, they usually came three or four times a day at least, but this monster attack...

This monster attack was different.

They came about an hour after lunch, and they were so quiet, no one knew they were there. They could've easily snuck up on someone and killed them.

But Jason and Leo saw them.

They were on deck at the time, laughing and talking and just being semi-normal teens, but then, they saw three shadows land on the deck.

I'm not kidding when I say shadows. They were tall masses of darkness with no distinct shape, but it looked like a human that was surrounded by dark mist.

Leo retrieved a hammer from his belt, and Jason drew his sword.

Before either could attack, however, the beings became human.

The one on the right is someone Leo knows.

"Mamá," he whispers.

"Mijo," she smiles, and Leo sobs because she looks just like she had before he'd killed her. She opens her arms, ready to embrace him. "Come to Mamá."

Leo starts to walk forward, tears streaming down his face.

"Mamá," he murmurs, stopping before her and hugging her.

"Diablo," she hisses.

It is his Mama's voice, but now, it is filled with hostility and rage.

"Murderer!" She screams in his ear.

Leo tries to break away, but her grip is much stronger than he remembers, and through the hazy cloud in his brain, he remembers the monsters and vaguely wonders where Jason went.

"Diablo!" A different voice yells, and he is yanked out of the hug, but he is still held in place by firm hands.

Aunt Rosa.

"No, Tia!" Leo shouts. "Lo siento! Por favor, Déjalo ir! Por favor, Tia!"

(No, Aunt. I'm sorry. Please, let go. Please, Aunt)

"I should kill you!" She sneers. "Just like you killed my sister!"

She shakes him and slaps him so hard, Leo would've fallen to the floor had she not been holding his upper arms in a bruising grip.

Then, she suddenly changes, and there is...

"M-M-Miss T-Teresa," Leo stammers.

She smiles, sickly sweet.

"Let's go back to the attic," she whispers.

Leo shakes his head. "No... No! No! Jason!"

"Your friend's not coming to save you," she rolls her eyes. "He left you to me."

"No, he wouldn't do that!" Leo cries. "Jason! JASON!"

"Oh, do shut up," she mutters before _her voice whispers, seductively, "Let's have some fun. Are you still my good boy?"_

 _Leo shakes his head and screams, trying to break free of her grip, but she holds him tighter and starts to trace her finger down his chest. She pops open open of the buttons on his shirt_ , and he screams until his throat is raw, but for better or for worse, she transforms into...

Jake Abbot, one of Leo's foster fathers.

Blood stains his hands, and Leo knows it's staining his arms from where Jake grips him.

Behind him lies the body of Maria Abbot, Jake's wife. Her eyes are wide open and glassy, gazing at the ceiling. Blood pours from a cut on her temple and a stab wound in her stomach.

"You could've saved her," he whispers.

And then, Leo's coughing. Waters gushes past his lips, and he remembers...

Jake had tried to drown him.

Jake becomes another man, and Leo screams, his throat aching from doing so but he doesn't care.

It is Sir. Leo never called him anything else.

The man is burly and tan and smirking in an awful way, a crazy way. Blood covers his shirt, and behind him are the bodies of Alexis and Bradon. They'd been Leo's foster siblings before Sir had killed them for trying to run away.

Leo and his foster sister, Janey, had known about their plan, and Sir had forced them to watch. They'd managed to run away a few weeks later.

He laughs, cruelly. "You thought you could escape me. You silly, little brat."

Sir punches him in the jaw and the ribs and starts kicking him and hitting him while holding him upright.

 _And then, Sir's hand reaches inside Leo's pants, and Leo screams, kicking Sir so hard, it triggers another transformation._

Now, he is Leo's fourth foster father, and behind him is the body of Leo's friend, Madison.

"Maddie," he whimpers.

A burning pain rushes across his stomach, and he screams so loudly, it surely would've shattered windows.

He laughs, horribly. "Devil's Spawn."

He transforms into a tall, dark boy in gothic clothes.

Blake. Behind him is the body of Julia, her clothes bloody.

"You could've saved her, little bitch," Blake sneers.

Leo swallows. "I'm sorry, Julia," he whispers.

Blake smirks and presses a gun to Leo's head.

"You can join her."

Blake transforms before he can pull the trigger.

He becomes... oh, gods.

The man is taller than Leo and is on the older side- late forties, early fifties. His hair is starting to gray, and His eyes scan Leo up and down with that damn creepy smile on His face.

"Hello, Leo," He murmurs into Leo's ear. "Long time, no see."

"No... no, no, no, no, no!" Leo screams.

He's so terrified that his strength doubles, and he rips himself out of His grip.

Leo collapses on the floor, but he no longer sees Him. He only sees a dark cloud that screeches and vanishes in a whirl of darkness.

Jason and the others are standing over him in concern.

"Leo, are you okay?" Piper demands.

Leo nods, slowly, still in shock. "What happened?" He whispers

"You got yanked into that dark cloud thing," Percy responds. "You just walked over to it, like some kind of zombie."

"What happened in there?" Annabeth questions.

Leo shakes his head at a snail's pace. "I don't want to talk about it. How long?"

"About three minutes," Hazel answers. "We thought we'd lost you."

"I'm gonna... I'm gonna go to my cabin for a while if that's okay," Leo murmurs.

The six of them nod.

"Of course," Jason says. "Go ahead. Come get one of us if you want to talk."

Leo nods and struggles to stand, but he finally manages to do so with Jason and Percy's help.

A hand lightly touches his upper arm, and he jumps, but Piper doesn't remove her fingers. He follows her horrified gaze to his upper arm and sees a huge black bruise in the shape of a handprint marring his skin.

Leo turns away from them and walks back to his cabin.

* * *

As soon as he's inside, he breaks down, crying, screaming, sobbing, catching things on fire. Luckily, his walls are soundproof and everything is fire proof (Leo has a tendency to catch on fire in his sleep or when he's frustrated).

Leo yanks open a drawer in his dresser and withdraws a small box. It's a perfect cube, and the four sides and the bottom are black, but the top is crimson red and gleams in the light.

Leo opens the top to reveal a razor blade.

Leo pulls first aid supplies out of his tool belt and leans against the bed, sitting on the floor.

He presses the blade against his forearm.

He rarely cuts in such an obvious place, but he'll have to wear long sleeves for a while to cover the bruises, so it doesn't really matter.

Blood drips down his arm and onto the floor. He drags it across again.

Sometimes, he feels like he's in a castle made of glass, seated upon a rusty throne. He's hidden away from the world, but if you take the time to look, you will see him through the glass walls. You will see the tears he cries.

The walls crack. Everyday, a small line appears in the glass, and Leo knows that one day, the walls will come crashing down, and they will surely destroy him in the process. He doesn't even care anymore.

Everything is blue or black in this world. The glass glints and makes everything appear to be blue, and that's on a relatively good day. But on the bad days, black clouds the mirrors, and Leo can't see out and other can't see in. Those are the days his mask is the strongest.

But red... when Leo cuts, red drips down the walls, and it's such a nice change from the sad blue or the awful black.

Blood is still dripping.

Leo feels so suffocated, so trapped. One minute, he wants to get better. He climbs the staircase and he's almost at the top when he trips and falls back down, landing right back where he started, maybe even lower. But he hasn't hit hottom. Not yet.

I guess that saying is true: the higher you climb, the further you fall.

Leo stares at his arm, which is now drenched in blood. He's getting dizzy, but he doesn't care.

He isn't sure if he wants to die. It'd be amazing to be with Mamá and the others again, but...

There are things he hates about the world, but there are also things he loves.

He loves his friends, his camp, his siblings, especially little Harley. Can he really leave them?

And besides, he wants to find Gaea and put her back to sleep, but not before giving her a solid kick in the face. She should've known better than to mess with his mother.

Leo grabs the towel from beside him and presses it over the cuts, stopping the blood.

Not today, he thinks. Not today.

Leo finishes mopping up the blood, and he goes to wrap the bandage around the cuts, but before he can do so, the door opens.

Standing there is Jason.

He stares at the cuts on Leo's arm, and Leo refuses to meet his eyes.

Jason doesn't say anything. He crosses the room and wraps the bandage for Leo.

No lecture. No promises to stop. No... Jason just hugs him, and Leo swears that he sees tears on Jason's face, but he never asked and Jason never told.

The razor is forgotten.

He doesn't know when. He doesn't know how, but...

With Jason and the others by his side, Leo feels like he can make it through somehow.

* * *

 _For now, I am keeping the rating as T, but please tell me if I need to change it._

 _Also, the reason I am involving such awful abuse is because I want this story to be as powerful as possible. Child abuse casts a shadow the length of a lifetime, and I wanted to share that with my readers. Finally, the story is going to have very dark parts to it because eating disorders and abuse and mental illness in general are very dark topics; they need to be talked about, but they're a dark and difficult topic, nonetheless._

 _Thank you for reading my rant, and please, I urge you to pay attention to the warnings and read at your own risk. I don't want flames for 'not warnings you' or triggering somebody because I did warn you to read at your own risk._

 _Thank you for reading._


	8. We'll Be Okay

_I've returned!_

 ** _Disclaimer: I own nothing_**

 ** _WARNINGS: SEXUAL ABUSE (ITALICIZED IF YOU WANT TO SKIP IT), PANIC ATTACK, BRIEF MENTION OF PHYSICAL ABUSE_**

* * *

 _I need you to know_

 _I'm not through the night_

 _Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light_

 _I need you to know_

 _That we'll be OK_

-"Courage" by Superchick

* * *

"This is your room," He says as He opens the door.

The room has white walls, a white ceiling, and a white floor. The bed is queen size, and the bedding is crimson. There's a white dresser, and the door leading to the closet is white.

"Woah," eleven year old Leo mutters. The bed is awesome, but he made a mental note to put up some posters or something just to add some more color to this room. Not that he plans on staying long.

The man seems friendly enough, but so did Teresa and Sir and Leo's previous foster father. The only one that had been honest about what a jerk he was from the moment Leo walked through the door was Jake. Leo had barely survived in his past foster homes.

"I'll let you get settled in," He smiles. "I'll see you in the morning."

Leo nods and slips his bag under the bed; he'll stay for a week, but no more than seven days. After that, he's out of here.

He gets dressed in his pajamas, which are a simple pair of gray sweatpants and an orange shirt before sliding under the covers and extinguishing the lamp.

He drifts off to sleep...

 _He wakes up with a hand under his shirt._

 _Leo yelps and tries to scramble away, but His arm locks him firmly in place._

 _"Shh, Leo, it's okay," He whispers._

 _"No!" Leo cries, remembering Sir and Teresa. "Please, leave me alone..."_

 _"It's my bed, too, Leo," He chuckles._

 _"W-What?" Leo stammers._

 _"I don't have enough rooms, so we have to share," He explains._

 _"B-But why can't we have one room and separate beds?" Leo mumbles, still straining against His hold._

 _He laughs. "Where's the fun in that?"_

 _Leo struggles against Him, but He's much stronger than a scrawny eleven year old. It doesn't take long for Leo to give up, and he goes limp. His arm remains around Leo's waist, and his hand drifts below Leo's waistband..._

* * *

Leo screams as he wakes, and he finds himself in Jason's arms. First aid supplies are scattered across the floor, and his razor blade glints in the light. They must've fallen asleep.

Jason jolts awake and holds him, but it's too late.

Leo feels hotter than usual, and his face is sweating, but the rest of his body is shivering. He can't catch his breath, and his heart hammers against his ribcage at lightning speed. Tears fill his eyes, and his hands grasp his chest as his breaths come out in choppy, choked gasps.

"LEO! Leo!"

He can distantly hear Jason's voice, and he can feel his arm around his waist.

The blurry form of Jason transforms into Him. His arm around Leo's waist. _His hand touching him. His mouth against Leo's neck..._

"No!" Leo screams, yanking himself away. "No!"

Footsteps dash away, and the door opens.

"Annabeth!" He hears Jason's voice yell. "GUYS! HURRY!"

Footsteps come running, but He's still there, and Leo can't breathe, and oh, gods, he's dying. The world is starting to go black.

Hands grab his upper arms, and Leo's breath hitches in fear, remembering the monster attack yesterday.

He tries to pull away, but the hands won't let him.

"No, please," he whimpers. "Please."

"Leo," Annabeth's voice speaks. "You're having a panic attack. Listen to the sound of my voice. Feel my hands on your arms. Can you?"

Leo nods.

"All right. You are on the Argo 2. You are with us. Percy, Hazel, Frank, Jason, and Piper are all here. We want you to come back to us. Can you come back?"

Leo wants to. He desperately wants to, but His arm is still around his waist, and He's whispering dirty things in Leo's ear. He's too strong, or maybe Leo's too weak.

"No, I... I can't," Leo murmurs.

"All right. Can you tell me what's happening?"

"He's here. He's come back to hurt me again."

"Who, Leo? Who?"

"Him. My foster father."

"Leo, he's not here. We're not going to let him hurt you. We're going to help, and we're going to protect you, but you need to come back. Come on, Leo. We believe in you. We love you."

The arm around his waist loosens, and Leo yanks himself away.

He vanishes, and there's Annabeth in front of him, gazing at him in worry.

Leo doesn't know what else to do, so he doesn't think. He falls into Annabeth's arms and sobs into her chest.

Hands rub up and down his back, and he can see the rest of the seven behind Annabeth.

"I'm sorry," he mumbles into her pajama shirt.

"Shh. You did nothing wrong," Annabeth assures him. "We love you so much."

Leo nods. "Thank you."

"Was it triggered by the monster attack?"

Leo nods, silently.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Leo shakes his head.

"Okay. Do you want one of us to stay with you?"

Leo shakes his head. "I'll be okay."

"All right. We'll leave. Call us if you need anything, okay?"

Leo nods, and the seven leave the room, but not before Jason picks up the razor and takes it with him.

Leo lies on his bed, and he slowly touches his stomach, pulling up his shirt.

On his stomach, spelled in thick, white scrs, are the words Devil's Spawn.

He wasn't branded by Him. He was branded by his fourth foster father, but he remembers the way He would run His fingers over the words. Leo would flinch every time since they'd only been written a few weeks before.

" _Slut," He would hiss as he forced himself on Leo. "Worthless."_

Leo curls up on his side and tries to fall asleep.

* * *

Leo wakes up, and he's thirsty, so he climbs to his feet and heads for the kitchen. The moon is still high in the sky, so he tip toes to avoid waking the others.

He turns into the kitchen and freezes.

Sitting at the table is Mamá.

"¿Mamá?" Leo whispers. "¿Eres tú?"

(Mom? Is it you?)

She smiles. "Sí, mijo."

(Yes, my son)

"¿Qué estás haciendo aquí?" Leo asks. "¿Y como?"

(What are you doing here? And how?)

"No es importante," she says.

(It's not important)

"I really miss you," Leo says, slipping back into English.

"Don't worry, mijo. I have a feeling you'll be seeing me again very soon," she smirks.

"Mamá..." Leo whispers in confusion.

In a flash, his beautiful mama is gone, replaced by a woman covered in burns and blood. The only way he can tell it's still her is because her eyes are the same.

Leo screams, and the glass he'd been holding shatters against the floor.

"Diablo!" Aunt Rosa's voice shouts.

* * *

Leo wakes up. For real, this time.

He's soaked in sweat and disoriented. He breathes hard, but luckily, another panic attack does not come.

He doesn't get anymore sleep that night.

* * *

The next day at breakfast, Leo picks at and plays with his food, but he refuses to put it in his mouth.

"Leo," Jason whispers. "Go on."

Leo doesn't.

"Leo," Piper says from his other side. "I hate to do this, but... eat."

She pours all the Charmspeak she can into her words.

Leo picks up his fork and places the food in his mouth.

Before he knows it, the food is gone, and Leo shoves his chair away from the table and runs upstairs, leaving the other six sitting at the table.

He doesn't even need to use his fingers. He simply leans over the railing and throws up.

A hand rubs his back, and Leo sputters as the last of his breakfast comes up.

As soon as Leo's done, Piper yanks him into a hug, allowing him to sob into her shoulder.

"Shh. We're gonna be okay," Piper murmurs. "I promise."

Leo isn't so sure.

* * *

Later that day, Leo curls up in his bed and doesn't leave his room for hours.

He feels so ashamed. He thinks of Him and his mama and his eating problems and panic attacks and hates himself.

He wants to get better. He does; he really does, but he doesn't think he can. He's in too deep.

"I'm sorry," Leo sobs. "I'm sorry."

He doesn't know who he's apologizing to. His mom, his friends, himself... maybe all of the above.

A knock sounds on the door.

"Leo?"

Jason.

Leo sits up, rubbing his eyes, which are stained red from crying. He doesn't respond, hoping Jason will take the hint and leave.

He doesn't. Instead, he opens the door.

Jason takes one look at Leo in the dark room, his face lit up by the hallway light, and he crosses the room.

Sitting beside Leo, he takes him into his arms, and they sit there for what seems like an eternity.

"You'll be okay," Jason says. "We'll be okay."

Leo can almost believe him...

Almost.

* * *

 _Reviews keep me writing. Also, for those of you wondering about Pop Quiz! and Mother Teresa, I am working on the chapters. I'm doing a chapter marathon like I did for this one, so the wait will be worth it._


	9. Together

_Hello, everyone._

 _ANNOUNCEMENT: One of my reviewers brought to my attention that not all foster homes are bad. Don't worry; I am aware of this, and Leo did not have all bad foster homes. I think that Hera interfered a lot though to make him 'her warrior' (I'm still mad at her for hurting my baby so much); Leo's bad foster homes are detailed in this story, but there will a sequel that details his good ones, particularly the one that sent him into treatment for his eating disorder. There's even some detail on the good foster homes in this chapter, but the sequel will actually flash back to those good times. I take no offense to the review; in fact, I think it's very important to realize that foster parents are usually good people. I want to be a foster parent when I'm older, so I know that foster parents are not always bad. Thank you for the review; it gave me another chance to give one of my pearl of wisdom speeches (just kidding, but you get my point)_

 ** _Disclaimer: I own nothing_**

 ** _WARNINGS: MENTION OF SEXUAL ABUSE; IF THAT'S A TOUCHY SUBJECT FOR YOU, I RECOMMEND SKIPPING THE NEWS ARTICLE IN JASON'S FLASHBACK_**

* * *

 _Together we can make it through another day_

-"Courage" by Superchick

* * *

The following day, Leo finds the strength to eat. It's hard, but he manages to eat everything on his plate at breakfast, lunch, and dinner and doesn't purge.

Still... it's like a drug addict going through withdrawal. He's emotional, anxious, and over all, he's a wreck. His stomach feels too full; the burn in his throat is absent; the emptiness of his body has vanished, and Leo wants it back.

But he can't give up. He needs to do this. If not for himself, for Jason, for Piper, for Annabeth, for Harley, for all of the people that care about him.

Seated on the floor of his room, Leo pulls out a shoebox, praying that he's strong enough to handle this.

He removes the lid...

The photo on top is a picture of his mother with a three year old Leo in her lap; she's smiling, and he's laughing. It'd been in his mom's wallet when the warehouse caught fire; it'd been the only thing (other than Leo, obviously) to survive the fire.

The second photo was of him on Navidad (aka Christmas) when he was six. He's playing with a toy truck on the floor, taking it apart and putting it back together. Raphael and Aunt Rosa are sitting beside him, mildly intrigued by the skill their six year old relative has.

it's the only time Leo can remember ever getting along with them...

The third is him and his grandmother; he'd always been close to her.

The fourth is his bisabuelo cradling a baby him in his arms.

The fifth item, though, is when it starts to get interesting.

It isn't a picture; it's a news article.

 **WOMAN LOCKS FOSTER SON IN ATTIC FOR SIX MONTHS** was typed across the top.

It'd been about him and Teresa, his abusive foster mother.

The sixth is also a news article.

 **MAN KILLS WIFE AND TRIES TO KILL FOSTER CHILD** is the headline.

That'd been about Jake and his wife.

Seventh, eighth, and ninth were photographs of children, all beaten, bruised, and dirty but still smiling. They'd been Leo's foster siblings at the third home; there'd been ten kids, including Leo.

The tenth was another news article.

 **KIDS THAT WENT TO HELL AND BACK.**

Leo liked that headline the best because of how true it was.

The eleventh is of him and a brown haired girl, Maddie.

The twelfth is a news article.

 **KID TORTURED FOR ALMOST FIVE MONTHS.**

The thirteenth is a news article.

 **INFAMOUS DOCTOR ARRESTED FOR SEXUAL ABUSE.**

As Leo withdraws more ohotos, he smiles as he recalls the good foster homes. He loved some of his foster homes so much that it was almost worth going through hell to get there. Almost.

The fourteenth is a photo of him and a blonde girl-his best friend- named Hollie, who'd died by suicide.

The fifteenth is a photo of him and his foster sisters, Kristen and Diana.

The sixteenth is a photo of him and Ali, his first girlfriend.

The seventeenth is a photo of him and Ali. Carlos, Ali's brother, and Thalia (the name is a weird coincidence, by the way), Leo's foster sister, are there as well.

There are scattered things, like a photo of him, Alex, Logan, and Jordan before Jordan was shot in a drive by shooting. There's a photo of him and his foster brother, Jake, before Jake died in a car accident. There was a photo of Leo with Cedric, Mark, Jay, and Andy; they'd been a 'street family', so to speak, meaning they were a group of homeless kids that acted like a family. There'd been more of them, but they'd been the five main ones in the family.

Then, there's his favorite photo.

It'd been Leo's best foster home. The parents loved him like he was their own child; he'd had an older brother he loved, dearly.

He would've stayed, but he had to run away. They were short on money, and they'd have to give him up anyway; he just wanted to skip the whole bouncing foster homes process, so he ran. It's what he does best.

He would always love them, though. They were the real reason Leo hadn't turned out to be bitter or resentful; they were the reason he didn't follow in his previous foster parents' footsteps. He'll always owe them for that.

Normally, these photos and articles would either make Leo stuff his face and purge or would put him off food for weeks, but today, things are different.

He puts the photos and news articles away, closing the shoebox.

And he knows he can do this.

* * *

It didn't take long for the Voice to come back.

 **Pathetic! Fat ass! You really think you can get _better_? Ha, there is no better. Not for you.**

 _Stop,_ Leo shouts back.

 **No! Everyone hates you. They just pity you! Go on and kill yourself and do everyone a favor.**

 _No..._

 **You killed your own mother! How do you think they're going to feel when they find that out?**

 _It-It wasn't my fault. It was Gaea's._

 **Seriously? Take some responsibility for once!**

 _I-I..._

 **You fucking whore! Allowed Him to touch you.**

 _I didn't allow him. He just-_

 **You should've fought harder. You should've ran away sooner, but you were too weak.**

 _No!_

Leo dissolves into tears. When will the Voice go away? When will it end?

* * *

Everyone is worried about Leo, but Jason worries the most.

There is a memory in his mind, a memory just out of reach, and he knows it's connected to everything that is going on, but he can't remember.

"Jason, you okay?" Piper asks as she sits beside him on the deck.

He stares out into the blue sky beyond, and he whispers, "No."

"Tell me."

"Piper, do you have any of the memories from the Wilderness School?" Jason questions, abruptly.

Piper pauses before answering. "Yes. I have the Mist memories, and I have a few of the real memories, but they're a little fuzzy."

"Do you think it's possible that Juno gave me some of the Mist memories? Maybe because they were important?"

Piper wrinkles her brow in thought. "I suppose it's possible, but other than our rekationship, nothing really special happened in the memories."

"Maybe you weren't there..." Jason trails off.

 _A scream meets his ears._

"Jason!" Piper yells.

 _Jason sits bolt up right in his bed and rolls onto the hardwood floor in shock._

 _Across from him, Leo thrashes in his own bed, crying, sobbing, screeching... pleading, begging._

 _"Stop," Leo whimpers. "Stop! Please!"_

 _"Leo!" Jason calls and stands, scrambling over to his best friend._

 _Leo is drenched in sweat, and he's tossing and turning, fighting an invisible foe. The scar on his forehead (so faded, you'd have to be looking for it to notice it) crinkles, and Jason wonders if that has something to do with this. Or maybe it's the reason Leo never changes in front of him, even though they're roommates, best friends, and guys._

 _A dark conclusion starts to creep into Jason's mind, but he shoves it away in order to deal with the situation at hand._

 _He shakes Leo's shoulders, screaming his name over and over again. He wouldn't be surprised if they'd woken the entire dorm._

 _Leo's eyes snap open, and he sits up, gasping for air he can't find._

 _"J-Jason," he stammers._

 _"Leo, it's okay. What were you dreaming about?"_

 _Leo breaks down, crying into Jason's shoulder, and when Jason wraps his arms around Leo, he notices how thin Leo really is._

 _"Shh, it's okay."_

 _After several moments, Leo pulls away from Jason and slides off the bed; he grabs a shoebox from under the bed and sets it beside Jason._

 _Jason frowns. "What-"_

 _"You asked what I was dreaming about. Before I show you, you have to swear to God that you will tell no one, not even Piper."_

 _Jason nods. "Of course."_

 _Leo flips on the lamp and digs through the contents of the box, which Jason sees is full of photographs and news articles._

 _Leo finally withdraws a single article and hands it to Jason, sitting back on the bed._

 ** _INFAMOUS DOCTOR ARRESTED FOR SEXUAL ABUSE_**

 ** _Dr. Jordan, an infamous doctor that has treated many cancer patients, was arrested on Friday night for sexually abusing his twelve year old foster child._**

 ** _Although the full story is unknown, a neighbor apparently heard screaming from next door and called 911. When police arrived at the scene, the screaming had quieted, and they entered the house to find Dr. Jordan and his foster child in bed together. Neither had been wearing clothes, and the child had been crying._**

 ** _According to an interview with Sheriff Hill, the child had tried to run away, but he'd been caught, and Jordan had beat him. That was the screaming the neighbor had heard; eventually, after suffering terrible physical abuse for half an hour, the child stopped fighting. Jordan molested the child and attempted to rape him before police arrived._**

 ** _According to the Sheriff, that was the only occasion of physical abuse, but the sexual abuse had been occurring since the child was placed in Jordan's custody two weeks before_**

 ** _The child's identity is protected since he is still a minor._**

 ** _Jordan's trial date is not yet set._**

 _"I was... the child," Leo whispers._

 _Jason starts crying, and he places the article down in order to hug Leo._

 _The door suddenly bursts open to reveal Coach Hedge in his sweatpants and a sleep shirt._

 _"What are you cupcakes doing?" He demands. "Woke up this entire dorm with your yelling-" Coach stops._

 _Both of their faces are streaked with tears, the article sits in plain sight on the bed. Jason grabs it and hides it, but he can tell the coach read the headline._

 _Coach smiles, softly, the first time either had seen him smile._

 _"I'll let it slide. Come to me if you need anything."_

 _The door shut behind him._

"JASON!"

Jason comes back to earth to find Piper, Annabeth, Percy, Hazel, and Frank staring at him.

"Jason, man, you all right?" Percy asks, worried.

"Yeah. Why?"

"You looked like a zombie," Frank responds. "Staring off into space with glassy eyes. Not reacting to anything we said or did to get you to come out of it. It was weird."

"What happened?" Hazel asks.

"A flashback."

It isn't Jason that answers; it's Annabeth.

"You look just like Leo did after his nightmare."

Jason nods. "Yeah. Juno, she... she gave me one of the Mist memories of the Wilderness School."

Piper frowns. "But those memories aren't real."

"No, but this one was important. I think I figured why Leo's been acting so weird the past few days."

Leo...

Jason springs to his feet and races down to Leo's cabin.

He finds Leo crying, the same news article from the memory in his hand.

Jason crosses the floor and sits beside his honorary little brother and just holds him close.

Together, they can make it through another day.

* * *

 _Well, that's that. Thanks for reading!_

 _Constructive critics is welcome, as well as reviews. (Reviews make Leo happy!) As long as the flames are not extreme (ahem, the b****** that reviewed for another one of my stories a few months back and got his a** reported), they will be used to make Leo stronger!_


	10. Sequel: Breathe Me

This story is going to be split into 3 separate parts. The first is Courage; the second is Breathe Me; the third is My Recovery.

Breathe Me has been posted.

Summary: Leo was making progress until Percy and Annabeth fell into Tarturas. He was eating, talking, but when seven becomes five, everything begins to fall apart. And with everything going on, no one notices. What will become of our favorite repair boy? Sequel to Courage, anorexia, bulimia, self harm, suicidal thoughts


End file.
